Overheard while Andrew was playing with his toys:
"Aaaaah! I thought you were my friend! We were in the box-hole together!"
I have spent much thought on those sentences. The funny thing is that Andrew doesn't know what a fox-hole is, and, as Brian pointed out when I told him about it, he equated time spent together in a box from the manufacturer to having a relationship between the two toys. Did I mention they were toy soldiers?
I have spent some of my time the last few weeks feeling sorry for myself. I told Brian I want to get a job so I can look nice everyday. Isn't that silly? So Brian, being the smart man he is, told me I could go to work if I wanted to. Try it for six months, he said, and then I can quit if I don't like it. I was crying by this time and shaking my head. And then I started laughing because I didn't know why I was crying. Brian just held my hand and let me get it out. Nice guy.
Thing is, for some people the super-dependent infant stage is their dream. To have another being need you to exist just floats their paddle boat. It is such a struggle for me to stay on course! Yikes, gotta watch those metaphors.
I told Brian I wanted to take a month off when I had the baby. That time is almost up and I am so glad! Call me crazy, but I want to clean my house! I want to finish hanging up pictures in the boys room and go buy mums to put outside. I want to involve my kids in daily life. I want to get on a schedule!
This is a season in my life and that is something I try to remember. Abby will be crawling and/or walking in the next year. She will not always need me to hold her and console her and feed her every few minutes. This is a precious time, a time to bond with her, and I cherish those special moments. She's a girl, for crying out loud, and that in itself is new to me!
Another thing is that I feel a wee bit lonely. Not the depressed, isolated inside kind of lonely but the kind that chats you to death if you meet it at church. I think I need a box-hole friend. (:
2 comments:
At this stage, Amy, it is just tough to be a mom. If you have a you have to get up almost before you go to bed in order to have time for dressing yourself and kids, getting them fed and off to a sitter. That is a tough thing to do five days a week.
If you are a stay-at-home, you are with them all day, every day, and feel yourself running out of energy, patience, enthusiasm, and imagination. It is tough. You want friends, but if they come visiting and bring their kids, nobody really visits. If they have no kids, they can't understand that you are a mom first and a chatty friend second. It is tough.
Basically, you have to go into bridge construction (build a bridge and get over it). This time actually will pass very fast.
I will keep you in my prayers. Love, Miss Mary
Oh Amy, you're an awesome mommy and I think everything you're feeling is normal. Sometimes I wish I was at home with Jacqui and then the next day I want to be at work. I admire your dedication to your children.
I love you,
Sanja
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